Tag Archives: breasts

Sony’s New French Vita Ad Is Quadruple Breasted

Take that, Total Recall. Take that, Barney Stinson.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Vita hardware, it has touch control functionality not dissimilar from recent Apple products, with the added attraction of an auxiliary touch pad on the rear of the device. So that’s what this ad is trying to get across, in a roundabout and rather creepy fashion.

Yes, I understand that the point of this style of advertising is to get people talking, and since I’m sitting here writing about it now, obviously it worked. To retort: getting people talking is just half the battle, the low-hanging fruit; the bigger victory is in getting people talking positively, and regarding the product that’s being advertised, as opposed to “hey, look at this crazy ad.”

Look, let’s just skip the whole discussion about the Playstation Vita’s sales performance because this has nothing to do with that. Sony has a long, well-documented history of weird marketing choices, in and out of the Playstation division, and this is just another example in that progression.

Oh, you want more? Well, there was the PSP “viral” debacle and the slaughter of goats in Greece, for starters. Any success the Kevin Butler character brought Sony is starting to look like an aberration.

I’ll say this for the Vita: it deserves better. It’s a quality machine that its creator has mishandled from the start with anemic launch support and a labyrinthine backwards-compatibility scheme. It doesn’t need another round of Sony’s baffling advertising on top of that.

Oh, almost forgot: David Lynch once did a Playstation commercial.

Still no Agent Cooper references. I could’ve given it a pass in that case.

Source: The Escapist.

The Merch Table #3: Life-Sized Daleks, Sexy Japanese Shirts, & More!

Welcome back to The Merch Table, prospective buyers! Like a poor marksman, we missed last week’s target due to technical issues… something about white screens and other inside baseball. Nothing keeps the humble merch salesman down for long, though! There be geeky wares to hawk!

This week, we’ve got everything from prohibitively expensive Doctor Who paraphernalia to super wacky Japanese things on the table for your perusal. So, go ahead. Peruse!

life size dalek replica

Life-Size Dalek Replica

So, what is it? A Dalek!
Where can I find one? Firebox.
How much? £3,496

Weighing in at well over £3,000 – that’s about $5,500 to you and me, Russ – this life-sized Dalek replica has all the bells and whistles: the plunger arm extends, useful for sucking the faces off hapless Torchwood scientists; the head rotates at a full 360 degrees; and the blaster arm is on a ball joint, so it can be wiggled around provocatively.

If for some reason you can actually afford to drop five fat Louie’s (colloquially referred to as “The Big Bonus”) on a Dalek, be aware that it doesn’t levitate. Have fun with the stairs!

senran kagura breast shirt

Senran Kagura Mega Breast Hyper T-Shirts

So, what is it? Creepy anime shirts from Japan.
Where can I find one? Hobby Stock.
How much? Your immortal soul.

Searching for the next step up from one of those famous “looking for a Japanese girlfriend” shirts? Are you really into anime? Are relationships not your thing? Or do you simply give no fucks about what random passersby think of you?

If most or all of those conditions apply, then and only then should you consider purchasing one of these shirts. Just please, for the love of whatever god you believe in: don’t wear these in public.

Or do. That could be funny. Also, the more guys taking themselves out of the dating pool the better the odds become for the rest of us.

firefly inara poster print

Firefly Les Femmes Poster Set

So, what is it? Prints of Firefly characters in an art nouveau style.
Where can I find one? Quantum Mechanix
How much? $29.95

The series may be long done and a sequel to Serenity all-but impossible, but at least those of you still carrying a torch for Joss Whedon’s space western have tons of sweet merch to clutch to your chests, as you weep softly and mutter something about the sky being taken from you. This set of character art prints rank high among all that merch.

There’s also one of Saffron all by her lonesome and a set for the dudes, if you’re more of a “les fommes” kind of person. Or female. Or sly.

pancake floor pillow

Pancake Floor Pillows

So, what is it? Big floor pillows shaped like buttered pancakes!
Where can I find one? Unica Home.
How much? $600 to $750.

If you’re actually wealthy enough to own that crazy Dalek featured above, why not top off your spending spree with this massive set of pancake-shaped floor pillows? Or save that money for another Dalek and make them dance. Pfft. Rich kids and their toys.

Lil’ bits o’ butter are also included, but as any Canadian worth their weight in loonies will tell you, even giant pancakes are nothing without maple syrup. It’s a cliché because it’s true, goddamnit!

persona 4 glasses

Persona 4 Glasses

So, what is it? A replica of the glasses worn by Persona 4’s protagonist.
Where can I find one? Ami Ami.
How much? ¥7,350

Whether you call him Souji Seta, Yu Narukami, Charlie Tunoku, or a name of your own (spoiler alert: it’s Charlie; anything you come up with is wrong), dude wore some pretty swank glasses. So hit that link and buy a pair of your own since you’re so jelly. And why wouldn’t you be? They made Charlie a boss.

These are almost certainly non-prescription, though I figure it’s child’s play to get real lenses slapped in ’em. I doubt they’ll help you see through fog, unfortunately.

Wasn’t that fun, kids? Join us again next week for another round of geeky merch to explain fruitlessly to your significant other. It never ends!

Team Ninja: Citizens Demand Larger Breasts

In a recent interview with Gamasutra, Dead or Alive director Yohei Shimbori had this to say on the subject of sexualization:

“We were getting feedback from the overseas offices to tone down the sexuality, to tone down the sexiness of the game, and of the characters,” he remembers. But once feedback from fans playing the demo that was included with Ninja Gaiden 3 came in, those plans changed.

“We actually got a lot of feedback from people who were playing it, saying, ‘We want bigger breasts. Make the characters more like that.’ That was kind of surprising.”

It’s really hard to tell sometimes where the Team Ninja staff really falls on this issue. On one hand, these are the cats who once put together boob-shaped art installations on walls to function as “viral” marketing for Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, on top of their usual, more direct approach. Around the same time, their “breast physics model” was the focus of an actual ad campaign.

But if that anecdote about the fan response is accurate, maybe they just really know their audience? Japanese fans do tend to be less reserved about their appetites than a lot of the folks over here.

On the other hand, they’ve also gone on record from time to time stating their desire for more realistic character designs, a goal they’ve made strides toward with Dead or Alive 5 – that is, except for all the breasts and the wacky gravity affecting their movement, which kind of makes all that boobage stand out even more.

But…

“There’s definitely still room for having sexualized aspects,” Shimbori concludes. “If you have a solid fighting game system there, there’s nothing wrong with having beautiful characters as a layer on top of that — that’s another layer of entertainment that there’s a need for. If there wasn’t a need for it, people wouldn’t have responded to the alpha demo like they did, and send us feedback.”

You had me right up until you dropped the word need.

Hey, listen up, I’ve got a shocking revelation for you: I like boobs. I know, right? I’m a guy, it’s part-and-parcel of our psychology. We even have scientific excuses, apparently. So I wouldn’t dream of disputing the point that there’s plenty of room for beauty in video games, specifically the ones that have earned it by getting their shit together elsewhere.

You can throw in all that cake and get away with it if you’ve attended to the meat and potatoes first, and big thumbs up to Team Ninja for doing that: reviews for Dead or Alive 5 have been excellent so far, completely regardless of the sex factor. It’s been a long time since I’ve been legitimately interested in playing a DOA game.

dead or alive 5 kasumi redesign
Kasumi, then versus now. The start of something greater?

But there’s a line that needs to be drawn somewhere, you know what I mean? I don’t just mean the very fine line between titillation and creepiness, that part is obvious. I’m talking more about the line between the needs and the desires of your fanbase. It’s your own project, guys: if you want to shoot for realism, then you totally have the right and the artistic licence to do that. There’s no sense in going just halfway on this when there is still so much progress left to be made.

The opposite is also true, of course. If y’all like tits and ass enough to build a whole series of games around the concept, then hey, go for it. No need to hide behind platitudes. We all have porn on our computers somewhere.

…right?

Source: Gamasutra. Images: Gamefreaks; OGIUE MANIAX.

China Protests The Senkaku Islands Dispute With Topless Bodypainting

Whether you refer to them as the Senkaku isles or the Diaoyus or just a bunch of craggy rocks in an ocean somewhere, everyone in the region seems to have staked themselves claim, and the situation is only growing more intense. Even Taiwan has stepped up their interest, which got them into a naval waterfight with Japan the other day over the issue. Taiwan anywhere near matters of sovereignty with China is usually a cause for concern.

China, not content to simply incite their citizenry to riot at the Japanese embassy, has apparently found a far more titillating alternative: topless bodypainting. It’s like Japan’s recent boob-centric charity efforts, just with less groping involved. Allegedly.

There’s a rather large and totally not creepy gallery of images from this event over at Senkaku Complex, if that’s your thing. Don’t lie. We’ll know if you’re lying.

Source: Senkaku Complex (NSFW).

Japan Adds Breasts, Wins At Charity Forever

If you happened to be in Tokyo this past weekend – and please let us know why if you were because I love weird little happenstances like that – chances are you missed the charity event of the century while you were buzzing all the normal tourist spots.

The aptly-named fundraiser Erotica Will Save The World offered several intriguing attractions during its two-day span, though I doubt any of them turned heads quite like the “Breast Event”. To break the matter down succinctly: flash some ID, donate a little yen to the cause (AIDS awareness, and not for breast cancer as one might expect), wash your hands, and get your grope on.

Apparently you were allowed to rinse-repeat the process if the two-squeeze maximum wasn’t enough for you. Assuming that the minimum donation wasn’t too crazy, and knowing that there were ten actresses available, it’s safe to say that a lot of wallets were emptied that day.

I’m not sure what this adds or subtracts from the whole “Japan and the objectification of women” discussion. Maybe we can give this one a pass if there’s charity involved?

Well, whatever. You can keep your quaint bikini car washes, America! Japan is now the champion of sexy fundraising. Your move, rest of the world.

Source: RocketNews24

Super Monkey Ball Gets a “Breast Mode”

Sega has decided to offer promotional codes unlocking an “adult map” in the upcoming Playstation Vita installment of Super Monkey Ball, because simply rolling a ball with a monkey trapped inside it wasn’t strange enough. Something was missing. Apparently, that something was tits. Isn’t it always?

If you remember Tapeheads, you should already know that true production values can only be attained via tits and ass. In this case those production values are nice ‘n’ firmly attached to Yukie Kawamura, a Japanese gravure idol – or “bikini model” as we call them outside of creepy-otaku-stalker-land (or Senkaku Complex. Boom!)

It’s been kind of a rough ride for Sega as of late, so maybe the situation is bad enough that reaching for the low-hanging fruit (pun intended) has become a necessity. Not that they haven’t done this before, mind you.

Should you require a video of Yukie Kawamura playing with herself, well, here it is. Continue reading Super Monkey Ball Gets a “Breast Mode”