Tag Archives: japan

Jackie Chan Solves The Senkaku Islands Dispute

Last time on China vs. Japan II: Electric Boogaloo: embassy riots, widespread corporate property damage, waterfights with Taiwanese fishing boats, and the main event: topless bodypainting, because it’s just warm enough in China right now to protest half naked. Silly Ukrainians.

When questioned by the Taiwanese media on the issue, a certain Jackie Chan, star of stage and screen and video game, put his foot down and resolved the matter once and for all:

“The Diaoyu Islands (Chinese name for Senkaku Islands) definitely belong to China!” said Chan, who was in Taiwan to film scenes for his upcoming film Chinese Zodiac.

He added, “The Diaoyu Islands belong to China, but what I say doesn’t count, it is up to the government to deal with it; I wish I am Superman, so I can pull the island closer.“

The line must be drawn here! This far and no further!

I can only assume that Chris Tucker and Owen Wilson were unavailable for comment, which is just fine; those two should never be given the last word on issues of naval sovereignty. Amateur diplomats, the both of ’em.

Look, Japan: I’m sorry. You know I love you guys, but you’re going up against Jackie now. There’s just no countering that. No amount of Gackts, Hard Gays, Ultimo Dragons, Morning Musumes, and Doraemons are going to stand up against The Drunken Master. You’ve had a pretty good run with that whole “Senkaku Islands” thing, but it’s over. No hard feelings, alright? We’ll always have Persona.

Jackie Chan. We’re done here.

Source: RocketNews24 / Image: Asian Movie Pulse

China Protests The Senkaku Islands Dispute With Topless Bodypainting

Whether you refer to them as the Senkaku isles or the Diaoyus or just a bunch of craggy rocks in an ocean somewhere, everyone in the region seems to have staked themselves claim, and the situation is only growing more intense. Even Taiwan has stepped up their interest, which got them into a naval waterfight with Japan the other day over the issue. Taiwan anywhere near matters of sovereignty with China is usually a cause for concern.

China, not content to simply incite their citizenry to riot at the Japanese embassy, has apparently found a far more titillating alternative: topless bodypainting. It’s like Japan’s recent boob-centric charity efforts, just with less groping involved. Allegedly.

There’s a rather large and totally not creepy gallery of images from this event over at Senkaku Complex, if that’s your thing. Don’t lie. We’ll know if you’re lying.

Source: Senkaku Complex (NSFW).

Japan Adds Breasts, Wins At Charity Forever

If you happened to be in Tokyo this past weekend – and please let us know why if you were because I love weird little happenstances like that – chances are you missed the charity event of the century while you were buzzing all the normal tourist spots.

The aptly-named fundraiser Erotica Will Save The World offered several intriguing attractions during its two-day span, though I doubt any of them turned heads quite like the “Breast Event”. To break the matter down succinctly: flash some ID, donate a little yen to the cause (AIDS awareness, and not for breast cancer as one might expect), wash your hands, and get your grope on.

Apparently you were allowed to rinse-repeat the process if the two-squeeze maximum wasn’t enough for you. Assuming that the minimum donation wasn’t too crazy, and knowing that there were ten actresses available, it’s safe to say that a lot of wallets were emptied that day.

I’m not sure what this adds or subtracts from the whole “Japan and the objectification of women” discussion. Maybe we can give this one a pass if there’s charity involved?

Well, whatever. You can keep your quaint bikini car washes, America! Japan is now the champion of sexy fundraising. Your move, rest of the world.

Source: RocketNews24

Japan Attempts World Domination With Bacon

bacon timeline chart

Are you in Japan? If so, you can now slap 15 slices of bacon on your Burger King whopper (do they call ’em “whoppers” in Japan?) for ¥100. That’s about $1.20 to you and me, Russ. This replaces the normal upcharge of ¥60 for a paltry, ancestor-dishonouring 3 slices.

I don’t know why anyone would want to do this, but we’re talking about a nation that’s spawned countless bizarre fast food concoctions… and this guy. So, whatever. Scotland has its deep-frying obsession; Japan has random, massive bouts of over-consumption.

Listen up kids: after spending a couple years as a wage slave food monkey, I know a thing or two about bacon, or rather the reddish-pink (mauve?) slivers of slimy meat-like extract that most chains attempt to pass off as bacon. You don’t want it in your body. Or on your body, or even near your body. If this “bacon” is remotely body-adjacent, you might want to leave the room.

Also, don’t do what this guy does.

Maybe I’m just a little anti-bacon thanks to the internet trying to force it into a meme. That, and the prospect of a bacon-themed reality show.

Source: Japanator.