wwe paul bearer

Happy Trails: Paul Bearer, 1954 – 2013

Are you sitting down? Sit down. Are you wearing a hat? Take it off. Do you have a catheter? Plug it in.

Paul Bearer, also known as William Moody, passed away today. He was 58. This just happened so any exact details of his death are totally nonexistent for now.

Since Paul Bearer was around long before most people’s memories of wrestling characters end, chances are I don’t have to delve too deeply into who he was and what he was known for. But for the totally uninitiated: Paul Bearer was among the best of the crazy cartoonish wrestling managers. Even after the WWE shed most of its comic book stylings, Paul Bearer somehow remained, still clutching that urn.

His final appearance was last year, if memory serves. I had just begun to start watching wrestling again after several years away and the first thing I saw upon returning was Kane randomly locking Paul Bearer into a meat locker. Why? I dunno. Reasons. Some things just never change.

Sure, I’ve given up on rambling about wrestling on this blog in favour of simply observing from a safe distance. But it’s hard not to sit up and take notice when someone like Paul Bearer dies. He’s one of those guys we all sort of knew, whether we gave up on wrestling a decade ago (wise) or never watched to begin with (even wiser) or still consider it a guilty pleasure (that would be me.)

It’s a shame that Paul Bearer won’t be around to induct The Undertaker and Kane into the Hall of Fame someday when their careers are finished. For that matter, if the WWE has any common sense, they should fast-track Bearer’s own candidacy to this year’s class. I doubt there would be any objections.

I guess now we’ll never find out exactly what was in that urn. Unless it was just an alternate for The Great Muta’s lamp.

Rest in peace.

paul bearer wwe buried

via WWE.com (and everyone on Twitter who used to like wrestling in the 90s.)

daft punk columbia

Daft Punk’s New Album Teaser: The 10 Minute Treatment

Blink and you’ll miss it: there was a 15-second teaser for the new Daft Punk album during the last episode of Saturday Night Live. Oh. You blinked and missed it, didn’t you. Or SNL isn’t your thing. That’s okay; I’m sure The State will return any decade now.

Whether you caught it or not, here it is again looped for ten minutes in grand old YouTube tradition. If you’re crazy like I am you’ll no doubt leave it on in the background until the as-yet untitled fourth Daft Punk album drops in May.

Maybe I can hook this up to an old boombox and walk around with it on my shoulder. Y’know. Get that trend going again.

via MrEarthBeast & @taswell

community annie's boobs

PSA: Community is Back, October 19th, #SixSeasonsAndAMovie, etc.

One of the rules of blogging is repetition and routine. Keep at it, once a day or more, until people start paying attention. So if you’re getting the nagging feeling that I’ve written this same post about four times already, that’s because I have.

Or it’s just NBC being weird with their scheduling, which for some reason is something I find newsworthy when it happens to affect the best show on that network which not nearly enough people are watching.

Look, Community’s fourth season begins tonight. Either that means something to you or it doesn’t. If it does: Creator Dan Harmon is long gone, but everyone else is still around, including most of the writer’s room (for now.) And of course all those actors y’all go crazy for, even if Chevy Chase could be taking a walk at some point. That trailer is pretty good too, right? So check your local listings. If that’s still a thing people do.

If this doesn’t mean anything to you: well, there’s always Big Bang. Good ol’ safe ‘n’ predictable Big Bang.

Britta speaks for me. Perhaps she speaks for all of us.

Thanks, Kikito!

finding nemo angler fish

Caffeine-Fueled in 2013 + Fish!

Sure, the new year began 15 days ago with any meaningful updates from us being absent for another 15 days prior to that. But never fear! 2013 is here and we’ve got a whole lot of great content in store for you at Caff-HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT FISH. LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT THAT FISH RIGHT NOW!

Sorry. That was something of a smoke bomb on our part. We’ll be damned if that isn’t one hell of a fish, though. Perhaps you should look at it. Right now, if you’re not too busy.

So with this we inaugurate another year of mildly-coherent, semi-professional, generally-aimless tomfoolery from your friends at The Caffeine-Fueled Occasional. On our slate of features for the coming year, we have…

1) A heavier emphasis on review and editorial content for Reddit to downvote in favour of kittens making silly faces! Oh man. Those kittens are so cute you guys!

2) A streamlined WWE feature that won’t make its author wish for the sweet release that only death can bring!

3) More community interactivity! Speaking of which, are you somehow reading this without a forum membership? Go get one!

4) A podcast! Maybe! This will depend on several factors, mainly equipment, scheduling, and formatting issues. If/when it happens though, hold onto your asses.

All of this and more can be yours for only minutes of your time per day! Why, think about all those seconds you spend drinking your Starbucks coffee. You can even do both at the same time! Act now!

In all seriousness, we do hope you’ll stick with us through 2013 and beyond. There are a lot of pretty depressing things in this world and while “blogging in a vacuum” doesn’t rank too high up the list in the greater scheme of things, every set of eyeballs counts for something. So on behalf of John Layfield, Thor McOdin, the forum community, and myself: thanks for all them balls!

Now check out that sweet fish. Right?

• Fish courtesy of Moldy Chum. Thanks Dave!

zoo weekly facebook

This Week In Hilariously Ill-Advised Facebook Campaigns: Square-Enix vs. ZOO Weekly

Inside baseball: normally these two items would carry enough weight to be separate articles, but the timing is just too close for me to resist squeezing them together. That and the winter gloom has me almost completely sidelined from my usual routine. Bleh.

Thankfully, nothing cheers me up faster than an opportunity to mock major corporations and their gross irresponsibility with social media. I’ve also grown to hate said social media more and more these last few months, Facebook in particular. Protip: I’m more than just a buffer for your goddamned Farmville stats.

So really, there’s a lot for me to like about these two disasters. I get to be all punk rock and make fun of two big companies for their inane bullshit and Facebook for creating the atmosphere that allows the bullshit to exist. Double whammy.

First up to bat: Final Fantasy developer and sudden owner of everything, Square-Enix.

square enix hitman facebook

Quoth Rock, Paper, Shotgun:

Square have launched an advertising campaign for Hitman in which you can threaten people on Facebook using bullying terms, mocking people for their looks, and the size of their breasts. I murdered the puppy-faced Emily Madeupname because she’s cheating on her partner! That’s a reason it offered me. I threatened to kill someone on Facebook using this advert, telling Agent 47 to identify her by her small tits, and to kill her for cheating.

All glory to RPS for curating this debacle before Square-Enix (wisely) pulled the plug and apologized for it. Still, you have to wonder what the mindset is like at Square if such a headscratcher was allowed to exist in the first place.

Would this have happened if Square’s Japanese head office was paying the proper attention to their western branches, a situation akin to Sega of Japan vs. Sega of America in the 90s? Is this the unfortunate result of Square’s rapid-fire acquisition of foreign studios, perhaps too many to exert proper control over? Maybe outsourcing your marketing to external agencies is a bad idea and if you must do that, you should at least have some oversight on it?

Whatever the explanation, it’s fucking baffling that these things keep happening. Apparently no one learned anything from Sony’s disastrous PSP viral campaign or Tecmo’s creepy obsession with tits. Games still get a bad rap in a lot of circles and this really isn’t helping.

Speaking of creepy! Take us home, ZOO Weekly.

zoo weekly facebook

This one took months to get dragged offline like a screaming child on the first day of school, thus allowing plenty of time for it to spread it everywhere. Australia’s media watchdogs finally dealt the killing blow this week.

At first, the removal feels like a blessing considering how many human-shaped cockroaches it managed to attract. However, the action does get close to setting off my internal censorship alarm the more I think about it. Did this one really need to be nuked while stuff like Tecmo’s boob-shaped wall installations remain intact? Would this kerfuffle have happened at all if subject to another country’s regulations? Is the image itself actually less brazen in its misogyny than the comments it received? Would anyone even have noticed otherwise?

zoo weekly facebook comments

Cat pee and the internet. Once it’s in there, it’s in there.

The part that really gets me is the publisher’s attempted “editorial” defence. Quoth mUmBRELLA:

Zoo’s publisher ACP Magazines tried to claim that the Advertising Standards Board should not adjudicate because its brand page was editorial rather than advertising.

Sometimes I like to imagine that every wacky or poorly thought-out misadventure inflicted upon us by Australians is the result of living their entire lives hanging upside down from the underside of the planet. That much blood rushing to the head can’t be good for anyone.

Seriously though, editorial content? What could they be editorializing on here? You can’t make that claim without a statement that qualifies it. Call a spade a spade. Own up to it. This is a stupid image published on a stupid Facebook page with a stupid tagline, posted for the benefit of the stupid people who are stupid enough to drop stupid comments on it with their real names. This is no more of an “editorial piece” than the random-ass photos of cats that receive thousands of lazy-ass upvotes on Reddit.

I run a Facebook page for Caffeine-Fueled where I sometimes drop random images for laughs. I would never in a million years try to elevate any of that fluff to the level of actual, proper, legitimate written content for the same reason that I never pretend any of my silly YouTube posts are on an even keel with John’s review articles or Thor’s drinking games. I’m not even a professional and the idea of that pisses me off. It’s almost as insulting as those comments.

Thankfully, if there’s a silver lining to any of this, it’s the power of the internet laying everything out there for all to see like heads impaled on stakes as a warning to future trespassers. It’s just too bad that large corporations and individuals alike continuously fail to understand the give/take involved. But at least we can make fun of them for it.

The Streisand Effect. Keep it going, spread it around.