Tag Archives: election 2012

NASA Set For Big Return Following Obama Re-Election

Now that the election is finally (finally!) over, NASA has started to slowly unveil its future plans, secure in the knowledge that a president who isn’t totally ass-backwards on science is sitting in the White House for another four years.

I’ll give it to you in Gnomish.

Phase 1: Get probes up on the moon to look for water. We already know it’s there because NASA bombed the moon back in 2009 and unearthed rather a lot of it. Turns out that parts of the lunar subterranean are wetter than parts of Earth, such as the Sahara. Before you say “well, duh” keep in mind that this is the moon we’re talking about here.

Phase 2: Land some dudes on an asteroid, presumably to take a closer look at future mining possibilities before the private sector establishes its monopoly. There’s also that mothership buzzing around that really needs to be shot down.

Phase 3: Build the Newt Gingrich lunar colony on the far side of the moon, where A) no one can see it, just to troll moon landing-deniers even further, and B) to give college stoners another reason to throw on Dark Side of the Moon.

Phase 4: Construct new stations at the Lagrange points to facilitate our new moon base and further fiddly-pokery around the rest of the solar system. Mass Effect was right!

Phase 5: Get Your Ass To Mars! If the unexpectedly-long lifespan of Opportunity was any indication (eight years and counting!) Curiosity will undoubtedly still be roaming around by the time we get there, probably quite lonely. Hang in there little buddy.

strong bad moon
Strong Bad has already beaten us there, unfortunately.

Phase 6: ???

Phase 7: Profit!

Before you start packing your bags and flipping the bird to all the landlubbers you can’t wait to leave behind on Earth, keep in mind that all of this will still likely take two or three decades to accomplish. Unless that crazy Mars-based reality show actually takes off, in which case, enjoy your deathtrap, ladies!

It is, of course, really nice to see that the wheels are in motion at all. That said, if the old Soviet Union is ever going to break out of its zombie slumber, now would be a great time.

Source: Space. (Spaaaaace!)

Election 2012: The Night In Tweets

election 2012 fox news
You almost have to feel sorry for them. Almost.

Twitter can be an easy service to look down upon, or overlook entirely, thanks to the many excesses of its userbase. Endless trending hashtags about Justin Bieber and One Direction, the stereotypical tweets about food or bowel movements, etc. Appreciating it can be difficult sometimes.

This is especially unfortunate because a lot of very funny and insightful people are on Twitter and nothing brings out the best in them quite like an American election.

So feast upon these, the best tweets I personally observed during last night’s battle for the White House. And for dessert we have the opposite form of Twitter comedy, a slice of digital schadenfreude: the rapid decline of Donald Trump’s mental state. You can find that on Page 2.

election 2012 tweets

election 2012 tweets

election 2012 tweets

election 2012 tweets

More Anti-Endorsements: Mr. Burns For Mitt Romney

Move over, Joss Whedon! Who better to stand in Mitt Romney’s corner than Mr. Burns, Springfield’s highest profile 1%er?

Sadly, Springfield’s other visible Republican figures – Rich Texan, Count Dracula, Krusty, the blue-haired lawyer, among others – were not available for comment. But hey, it’s nice to know that they’re still in the same digs.

Say what you want about The Simpsons these last ten years or so versus the golden age that was its earlier seasons, it makes me happy that they’re still capable of biting this hard, and with exactly the right timing. The election is just a few days away, y’know.

Source: Warming Glow.

Joss Whedon. Mitt Romney. Zombies.

In this quick little video taken straight from Joss Whedon’s lovely kitchen, the Avengers director and Buffy scribe has managed to stumble upon the one voting bloc in America crazy enough to vote for Mitt Romney: zombie apocalypse survivalists.

I can see the attack ads now: “Barack Obama says he’ll chase down the terrorists wherever they are, but is he weak on the walking dead? Vote Romney.”

Coincidentally, most of Romney’s supporters could be old enough to actually be undead, or rich enough to be a Count of some kind. They certainly have the right deathly pallor going on.

Source: Facebook.