Tag Archives: sex toys

Japan Invents The Handjob Machine

Of course they did. Please forgive the generalization, but… who else would?

Now here’s one rare example of something women have easier than men. A vibrator is just that: simple, to the point, effective. It doesn’t have to do much more than rumble a bit to accomplish it’s goal, and the rest is up to the user. Us guys on the other hand *cough* risk exploring the grey area of semi-manual stimulation that lies beyond our own limbs only at considerable peril.

Enter the SOM Hand Type Handjob Machine, a “masturbot” according to the product page. Honestly, I think they missed a perfect name for this in “Mr. Handy”. Isn’t this how the Cylons took over?

You can’t see me right now, but I’m shifting uncomfortably and wincing at the prospect of being anywhere within a hundred leagues of this contraption. Some jobs just shouldn’t be taken away from human hands. Yet, they must sell, otherwise no one would put them to market. Right?

Free money idea for the masturbot people: miniturize this thing and stuff it inside a RealDoll. Brr. I just creeped myself out with that one.

Source: Topless Robot. Image: Kanojo Toys.

Yeah, There’s a TARDIS Dildo.

It would appear that a Doctor Who fan at The Toymaker Project has fired the first shot in the sci-fi sex toy war with this contraption, dubbed “The TARDIS Tickler”. Take that, Star Trek colognes! Your sexual nature was merely implicit! And then there’s the whole “seven years” thing… so, y’know… limited uses. *cough*

If I remember my Whovian lore correctly, there was once a Time Lord called The Celestial Toymaker. I doubt he had anything like this on his resumé, of course.

Look, I’m grasping at straws here. It’s a dildo with a TARDIS in it, okay? Maybe we should just leave it at that before this starts getting blue.

Source: io9.